So, the suits at Hyperion have asked me to sit around and answer questions about, I dunno. Videogames. Memes. Whatever you people are interested in. Taylor Swift. Whatever works. But yeah, ask me whatever you want about life, or Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel, or hair care tips.
Verification: https://twitter.com/ECHOcasts/status/520258043380920321
EDIT:
Alright, I'm off to do any number of things that don't involve the canonicity of New-U stations. I hope some of you die horribly. I hope to make out with others. All in all, pretty good AMA. Keep those chins up, kiddos.
Tip Reveddit Real-Time can notify you when your content is removed.
Weirdly specific question.
But yes.
I'm having a great day, minding my own business in Fyrestone. I certainly hope that I don't get ambushed by skags and have my gun split up into 4 separate pieces!
Who took longer to apply their mask every morning: you or Moxxi?
It's cute that you think she was still around come morning.
Somebody's about to get choked.
*Ahem*
Strangled.
I like you.
Wait, nevermind, I looked at your username.
I don't like you.
What the hell, man? I'm not an actual jockey's ballsack! I'm a regular person who really likes Hyperion gear!
Screw it, I'm a strong independent black woman who don't need no Handsome Jack. Your loss.
I have a CL4P-TP steward bot that keeps . . . integrating with every appliance I have with an open port. Is this a bug that's going to be patched any time soon? I called Customer Service and all I got was some dolt who told me to turn it off, then turn it on again. I figured you might know what's up, since you're a coder working for Hyperion.
I'm not tech support, but I've come up with a couple of solutions for the recurring "Claptrap is irritating" problem:
- Kill the Claptrap
- Kill yourself
It's an either/or thing. I wouldn't do both.
Why do you keep staring at me whenever I ask you something? It gets a bit creepy after the first twenty or so times.
Hey, what's -- hey. How are -- what's up. Hey.
Hi, hey.
What's been your funniest kill?
First wife.
Oh, wait, you said "funniest." I thought you meant "tragic, violent, and accidental."
But I thought Angel did it? Wait a minute...
Did you lie?
HEY EVERYBODY! HANDSOME JACK LIES TO PEOPLE ON OCCASION! DON'T ALWAYS TRUST WHAT HE SAYS!
He said first wife. No one ever said Angel's mother was his first wife.
He's a phoney!
- I
- Am
- Going
- To
- Murder
- You
I answered a bonus question for you!
YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR MOTHERF*CKIN FLAIR ҉
IT'S GODDAMNED TORGUE WITH A GODDAMNED G ҉
AND NEVER FORGET THE F*CKIN' EXPLERIOD ҉
EDIT - THAT'S SOME GOOD SH*T RIGHT THERE JUST COPY AND PASTE AN EXPLERIOD ONTO THE END OF IT AND YOU'LL BE BALLER AS F*CK ҉
Double edit - Nice knowing you, Salsa.
My girlfriend is dressing up as you for Halloween. Should I be aroused?
If you're not, I'm certainly aroused enough for the both of us.
Handsome, heroic, and way too damned good at your job... I think the REAL question is why those idiot higher ups at Hyperion haven't been bending over backwards and recognizing your potential.
You? You're my kinda ass-kisser. When I electrify every keyboard connected to this AMA, I'll make sure yours is as a low wattage.
Well, low-ish.
Jokes on you, I'm reading from my cellular device!
Nice part about lithium ion batteries?
The part where they explode.
DID SOMEBODY SAY....EXPLOSIONS? ҉
Have you and Mr Torgue ever gone golfing?
No, because I value my eardrums and he presumably values not being riddled with goddamn bullets.
They never got past the first hole, as Hyperion clubs take 3 swings to reach max accuracy and TORGUE CLUBS F*CKIN EXPLODE ҉
Improving golf one explosion at a time.
Wait, I thought this was Pre-Sequel Jack. STOP SAYING STUFF ABOUT HOW HE DIES HORRIBLY IN BL2, IT WILL SPOIL THE GAME FOR HIM.
What's BL2
It's this silly game where people think they can stop you from opening a vault on Pandora and ruling the planet through the control of the ancient warrior which was trapped inside the vault. It's as far-fetched as that sentence was rambling and vaguely coherent.
How did you ever get so handsome?
See? Everyone, look -- look at this.
THIS is a question. Not "wuhgughf what if butt stallion and gugh torgue fought would that be fugughgh fun", not "wharglbhrrh new u stations wharhgh canon."
Just short, direct, and so complimentary that I got to half mast before I'd reached the third syllable.
Be like this guy. Or girl.
Hopefully girl. I'm into girls. Which evidently makes me some sort of outlier on Pandora.
Ooh hey! I'm a girl and totally willing to be arm candy for you. My husband might object but I'm sure you've got a melon baller for him.
Hmm, dumping me for Jack I see. Let me know that works out for you, dear.
You're just jealous because you're not even 1/10 of the man that Jack is.
No, I'm actually really happy for you. I'm sure Jack will take the best care of you.
Hey man, if it's Jack I'm sure I'd die happy.
I'm sure you will.
I know that you're upset because you were born with XY chromosomes and will never even have the chance yourself.
Handsome Jack, first of all thank you for doing this!
What is your opinion of Wilhelm, Nisha, Claptrap, and Athena each individually?
Wilhelm: As far as monosyllabic cyborgs go, an okay dude. Seems pretty dense, easily led. Strongly considering poisoning him in the future in order to dupe my enemies into thinking they've won. Also considering accidentally forgetting to put that line of dialog into the game so it just ends up being super confusing and illogical.
Claptrap: No.
Athena: Weird chick. Prides herself on "loyalty," but the only thing I know about her is that she killed her old boss and blew up his big house of guns. So, uh, yeah, super trust her. Sure she's a straight shooter.
Nisha: She's, uh -- I like her. She's nice. Well not -- not NICE, she's definitely not NICE, but she's got a...like, a thing? About her? That I like? I don't know. It's -- shut up. Next question. Shut up.
Nisha: She's, uh -- I like her. She's nice. Well not -- not NICE, she's definitely not NICE, but she's got a...like, a thing? About her? That I like? I don't know.
Great body and a penchant for murder?
Why would you hire a CL4P-TP to do anything but open doors for you? What were you thinking trusting him on Elpis?
Look, I --
Look. It was a dark time in my life, okay? No real job prospects, no budget to do anything with, boss has it out for me (like, he hired assassins), no bodyguards. So I took a stupid little tin can programmed for dancing and high-pitched whining, I slapped some goddamn guns on him, and installed some stair-climbing subroutines.
We all make mistakes. Mine was not killing every single Claptrap I saw. And getting married.
That's sort of how I feel every time I log in to our Lotus Notes system.
Even the icon. That yellow icon. Oh god.
Hey Jack!
I'm currently a graduate student research assistant, but what I really want to do is work for you on the Moon (once I defend my thesis)! Does Hyperion's science division currently have any openings I could apply for?
Can I just give you my curriculum vitae directly, or is there a website where I can submit it?
Thanks, A.K. Wolf
I was initially going to turn you down cause you're not a hot chick, but your resume convinced me. Head on up in a few hours. That's about as long as the poison will take to run its course on your predecessor.
Do you ever meet any of the 'war hippies' over at Maliwan? What do they smoke?
Batteries, weirdly? It's a -- it's like an e-cig thing, but somehow less cool. Imagine what an e-cig would have bullied in high school. It's like that.
How do you get your hair to look so perfect?
Genetics.
And the tears of orphans.
Who do you consider to be Hyperions top competitor?
People who ask questions about if New-U stations are canon or not.
Silliest endgame ever: Two New-U stations facing eachother: Vault Hunter shoots Jack, Jack respawns, shoots Vault Hunter, Vault Hunter respawns, shoots Jack -continue to infinity-
To be fair, the New-U stations run on money, so one of the competitors would naturally run out of money before the other.
Did you ride Buttstallion to the top of Dragon Keep?
You're asking if I rode my diamond-encrusted horse to the top of an imaginary location inside a crazy little girl's head?
Yeah, good question, thanks for asking. Super glad I did this.
Why do you only wear a glove on one hand? And why is the index finger cut out of it?
Ask Nisha.
Comedy gold right here. I love the fact that Gearbox and 2k is allowing you to get away with this. Er, I mean...Hyperion is allowing you to get away with it.
Still gonna kill ya, however.
Why are there only 6 Sirens in the universe and how the hell did you find that out?
What would the title of the song Taylor Swift writes about you be called?
"I'm glad that I finally found a permanent boyfriend in you, Handsome Jack, you are the best and we get along super well, let's kill everyone together"
And then in parentheses, "(also wow you are super good at sex stuff)"
That's all one title
http://imgur.com/YHlwPbB Hey weird, I found another picture of me as a teenager. This is me boarding an interstellar shuttle to my school dance.
I heard vault hunters are really stupid. Like REALLY REALLY stupid. So stupid that if you hacked their ECHO and told them to do what you say, they probably will without ever asking "Why is there some girl covering my entire vision, why does she know so much about me, and why can she see my every movement?" Is this true?
Pahahahaha. Ahhh. So stupid.
So, so, so stupid.
Would you fight 1000 Midget-Sized Warriors or 1 Warrior-Sized Psycho?
1 Warrior-Sized Psycho. I think you're severely underestimating the deadliness of Pandora's little people.
When you become president, will you have whoever wrote the AI for the CL4P-TP units arrested for their unspeakable crimes against humanity?
"Arrested"
Pahahahahahahahhahahaahahah
Oh my god I can't
Aahahhahahahahahahahhaah
Arrested
Oh god
Aahahahah
This friggin guy
What brand of pretzels do you buy? After all, I wouldn't want to accidentally buy pretzels that suck.
Funny story: my assistant had replaced my usual brand with those, like, Pop Chip things? The little styrofoam bastards, taste like your grandmother's back?
Yeah, his family's gonna miss him.
It's fine. You can be wrong about things. Some people like slamming their fingers in desk drawers, or Big Bang Theory.
i'm going to have to use that more often. http://i.imgur.com/MzTkpvB.png
Mr. Jack,
Do you have any advice for aspiring developers hoping to emulate your meteoric rise at Hyperion?
Also, have you considered any joint projects with Torgue Corp?
Sure! My advice to all you sad, mewling little wannabes is: don't! There's already one Handsome Jack, and it ain't you. So if you like your kidneys/house/mother's torso where they are, you'll stay riiiiight on the bottom of the ol' corporate ladder.
Hey H.Jack, I just want you to know that in the future I'm going to be the guy that kills you and foils all your plans. What do you have to say about that?
Nothing, apart from the vaguely orgasmic grunts I'll be making as I crush your windpipe with my thumbs. And I guess the "oh wow, you're the best" noises your loved ones will be making as they cheer me on. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently making out with your loved ones. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently killing your loved ones.
Of course you know this means war.
If you rearrange the letters in "Handsome Jack" you can spell "He's a damn jock". Are you aware of the implications?
"Oh, Jack, did you realize your name has an interesting anagram? Hey Jack, you definitely didn't run your name through an anagram machine when you decided to completely redefine your personality and found the one that had the most masculine and aggro sentences hiding in it, did you? You're definitely not the smartest goddamn person on Pandora, so there's no way you did any of that, right?"
You goddamn people.
How is Butt Stallion doing? and Have you gotten better playing the violin?
She's alright. Accidentally speared one her of handlers with that bi-horn thingy, and she kinda cries a lot and tries to break free of her chains, but I'm pretty sure that's just how diamond ponies express happiness.
And I am sick as hell at the violin now. I can play Wonderwall.
I can play Wonderwall.
See, douchebags play Wonderwall on guitar. Artists play it on violin.
See, douchebags play Wonderwall on guitar.
Artistspretentious douchebags play it on violin.
Fixed that for you.
Handsome, why are they even CALLED Sirens? I mean, they don't lure seamen to their death or anything. What do you think a better name for them is?
What is your day to day job like at Hyperion? What kind of place do you work at? Do you have any friends at work?
Hi Jack!
I'm a huge fan, I've read all about how you opened the vault on Pandora and slew the Destroyer, great job!!! Thanks for doing this AMA.
Now for my question: I'm stuck here in the slums on Promethea, I really want to get offworld and come work for Hyperion. Any advise?
Thanks a bazillion! N3WM4NH4774N
Tell ya what -- you find some Eridian tech on Promethea, and we'll come to you. Alternately, just do what I do -- get blackmail evidence on your bosses, commandeer a satellite, and hire mercenaries to murder people for you.
Now that I think about it, doesn't sound like our situations are too similar. Guess you're gonna die. Love you!
Inquiring minds want to know... what do you smell like?
When I'm angry: fresh-baked cookies
When I'm aroused: burning flesh
When I'm eating fresh-baked cookies: strangulation
I'm an unemployed up-and-coming vault hunter that definitely has no past affiliations with one of Hyperion's greatest competitors looking for a way around Pandora. Could you suggest a rail line?
I love you?
Good?
What is your favorite fruit?
Grapefruit. If you're imaginative -- which, obviously I am -- you can find some pretty neat uses of citrus as an enhanced interrogation technique. Acidic foods, babe.
I can only presume you're referring to The Grapefruit Technique? Is that a personal favorite of yours?
I'm guessing /u/scorpianman42 is a man. Do you call all 42 year old men "babe"?
Yes, which is why I'm running a multimillion dollar corporation and your name is Sir Putts-a-Lot.
Your name is Sir Putts-a-Lot.
Where the hell do you buy a diamond horse?
If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Listen, I don't care about affording it. A man sees what he wants; a man TAKES what he wants, by any means necessary. I assume diamond ponies wouldn't be affected by fire, so point me in the right direction and I will test my theory as soon as I get there.
So, is Handsome legally part of your name? Or is it a title, like Doctor, or Professor? If So, would you kindly 'Handsome' me please?
I don't respond to people who use BioShock references on me. BioShock was
[TRANSMISSION INTERCEPTED REWRITING MESSAGE TEXT]
BIOSHOCK IS A QUALITY PRODUCT BY 2K GAMES REALLY THE ENTIRE SERIES FROM BIOSHOCK TO BIOSHOCK 2 TO BIOSHOCK INFINITE TO THE RECENTLY ANNOUNCED BIOSHOCK ON THE IPAD ARE ALL QUALITY EXPERIENCES AND SHOULD BE A PART OF ANY TRUE GAMER'S COLLECTION
"WOULD YOU KINDLY" CATCH BIOSHOCK FEVER HA HA HA HA
But that's just my opinion, so whatever.
Why is Torgue here promoting Bioshock?
I want this to be canon now.
Who do you think would win in a race: the Flash or Sonic the Hedgehog?
Sonic, because The Flash is a fictional character.
Ohboyohboyohboy, does this mean Sonic is canon? :D
I hate to disappoint you... BUT...
Don't leave us hanging man
He left us hanging
Jack, we all know you're awesome. But what we're wondering is, how did you become so awesome? Were you born that way or do you have to work for it every day?
Some men are born awesome, some have awesomeness thrust upon them, some get incredibly depressed from being labeled a nerd and arbitrarily decide to upend their entire persona and create an awesome new one from scratch.
Not saying which one I am, just observing.
Do you like my Tattoo? :p
Is there anything funnier than a three-legged hamster walking on chopstick stilts?
Would you say that RED is Taylor's definitive album, or are you a fan of her earlier works? Personally, I can't wait for 1989.
I've heard some advance tracks from 1989, and it's definitely her best. Though RED is a better encapsulation of her ability to straddle country and pop, so as a quintessential T-Swift album I'd be hard pressed to recommend the more pop-centric 1989 over it, even if it's my personal preference.
One time I choked a guy so hard one of his eyeballs popped out
You what'd a guy so hard his eyeballs popped out? Jack, I am disappointed in you.
He obviously means he stuck he fist down the guy's throat and caused him to choke from that. Dumbass.
Correct. The fact that you all seem to think strangulation is the only way you can kill someone using their neck and your bare hands is pretty disappointing.
Jack you Handsome bastard! How can I keep my skin smooth into my midlife without eridium? And are those cheekbones inherited or some sort of plastic surgery deal?
If you could torture any person, at any place in the galaxy, with whatever method you preferred...Who? Where? And what?
Edit - Please don't say me. :(
Too late. Now you've put the idea in my head.
How does the Pandoran moon compare to other moons?
Will you be my dad?
Statistically speaking, I probably am anyway.
Good, you owe me 32 years worth of Christmas and Birthday presents.
Jerk.
And a hug.
I'll give you a condescending non-compliment and a threatening glance.
Final offer.
Hey - I work in the office adjacent to yours, and I keep hearing these WEIRD noises coming from behind locked doors... what's going on in there?
Shut up. Keep working. Shut up.
Hi Handsome Jack,
Do you see yourself as more of a visionary or an inspiration? Followup: Do you need any yes men?
Followup followup: What is your favorite song from our insignificant planet?
I don't have time for people who require multiple followups, unless we're talking about surgeries that give you machine gun arms so you can kill everyone in New Haven for me.
Shout out to my boy Wilhelm.
how many body doubles will we have to bribe to get into your inner circle
My "inner circle" consists of:
- Me
- Whatever I have in my pockets
- Whomever I am strangling and/or having sex with at that particular moment in time
So, unless you turn into a pen or start wearing cowboy hats, you're not getting anywhere near my inner circle.
Did you ever get better pretzels?
On a scale of 1-10, how hot is Nisha?
I don't want to say. She might read this. That'd be weird. It's weird to say how hot you find someone, right? You have to be, like, cool about it.
So five? Like five? Or is that insulting?
Six?
Come on dude, you're Handsome Jack, not Awkward Jack. Tell her that you like the way she relentlessly murders people and that you would like to have a whole lot of sex with her. Hell, promise her she can be the Sheriff of a town on Pandora once you take over. She'll melt like butter. Right on to your junk!
UP HIGH!
o/
No?
Okay.
If you could re-purpose a CL4P-TP unit into any house hold object, what would it be
Does slag run thru your veins?
If by "slag" you mean "a cocktail of coffee, hard drugs and some bandit saliva thanks to that one time I left my turbolimo for eight seconds on a quick visit to Pandora" then yeah, sure, slag.
What does a typical night on Elpis look like for Handsome Jack?
When are we going
To get Borderlands: Handsome
Jack is a Badass
Which Vault Hunter would you want to turn into a cyborg like Wilhelm?
Nisha. Her clench could be tighter.
Damn, did you just tell thousands of people that Nisha has a loose cooch?
I mean, it's your right to say what you want, but I dunno if she'd like it. Or who knows, maybe she would. She seems like a pretty cool chick. You know, for being a ruthless killer and gun-for-hire.
Since you brought up the subject, is it true that you can actually walk inside of Moxxi's love bucket?
What? No. Her hand.
Jesus.
You're the worst.
Oh, so you have a strangulation fetish. I have a friend named Carol Crystal Cherlene Cheryl that you'd probably like a whole lot.
But what about Moxxi? Is it true?
And I'm really a nice guy once you get to know me. So put off the whole "shooting me in the face" thing for at least a little bit, and give me a chance.
So I ordered a Hyperion Tech High Grade Industrial Superstar Max 7040(TM) about six months ago and it still hasn't came in the mail yet. How come your shipping is such garbage?
Any good advice for removing blood stains from fine fabrics?
I have a question for Mr Perfect! (That's you, baby)
Some.... people have spread rumors that you worked as a low level programmer at Hyperion.
If the rumor is true, what was your role in the company, and how did it help become so damn handsome?
I definitely did. Not ashamed of it. Learned a lot. Hacked a lot of servers, got a lot of good juicy stuff on the board of directors. Watched a lot of porn on company bandwidth.
The best way to get outta that role, though, is to illegally commandeer a satellite and get evidence justifying your hunch that Pandora is a goddamn Eridium motherlode. I tell that to all my proteges. Just do that.
How did your grandmother end up on Pandora?
I suspect my roommate is colluding with Dahl. What do you suggest I do?
What's your preferred method of taking down evildoers?
Depends. What's he deathly allergic to, and can you find a way to subtly sneak it into his food without making it look like you did it?
Holy nutballs! What happened to your frickin' face?!
Oh, we're -- we're doing a thing where you say things. That I said.
To me.
That's...that's cute.
I can't think of any questions, I just wanted to say you're my hero and I want to be like you when I grow up!
How awesome was it to steal Moxxi away from that loser Mordecai?
Ah, man. So good. He was crying, right? But he's got those goggle things. So they actually filled up with tears and he had to take em off for a second and splooosh, all these tears just dumped out at the same time like two little buckets of pathetic sadness.
What a baby. Glad his bird's dead.
Jack,
What's your life philosophy? I need direction in my life. And chips. And a chocolate shake. Can you help?
Hello. I have been playing the Borderlands series for a while now and I would like to say thank you for making my favorite game series of all time. My question is: I see lots of allusions to homosexuality and same sex marriage, and I was wondering, is same sex marriage legal on Pandora?
Yeah. What, it's not legal where you come from?
In the Pre-sequel, are we gonna get to see your softer, cuddlier side?
Sure, yeah. I don't kill as many people, so I guess that's softer.
When you killed Roland, how the he'll did your first shot even hit him? And how did it just ignore his shield?
My gun is super sick.
Also I lost it between killing Roland and waking the Warrior.
Also shut up.
You're (thankfully!) not to blame for the CL4P-TP units' AI... but what sorts of things HAVE you been in charge of programming/writing code for at Hyperion?
Social media, synergy, content, value, branding, brand messaging, content creation, value dynamics, dynamic values, content, mindshare, positively impacting purchase intent, Battleborn is: FPS; hobby-grade coop campaign; genre-blended, multi-mode competitive e-sports; meta-growth, choice + epic Battleborn Heroes
For the love of Christ, why does it take Hyperion weapons an entire clip just to aim correctly?
Better question: why are you so goddamn impatient that you think the world needs to give you exactly what you want right this second?
Maybe stop and smell the goddamn flowers and appreciate the goddamn headshots when they goddamn come.
That's what I get for not using a Jakobs.
How do you address the various paternity claims made against you by the former CEO of S&S Munitions?
Your favorite dick joke?
Edit: And no, your own is not an acceptable answer
Do you have any more grade school photos to share?
Yeah, here's a good one. http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/write.ign.com/62772/2013/02/goldfarb.jpg
Here's another good one. This is me dressed up for private school.
I was eight.
http://bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/extras02.jpg
Here's me hanging out with my uncle. http://bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/extras09-550x308.jpg
Jack, I'm looking for a new job. I'm an communications engineer at the moment, but I'm looking to move to death traps / super weapons. Can you help me out?
"What if we made a sitcom about nerds"
what's your opinion on Anthony Burch?
Brown.
How is Butt Stallion doing?
Who would you cast to play as you in a movie about you?
Dameon Clarke.
Do you really think that he is handsome enough?
Mr. Jack, I have this recurring issue where I eat a sandwich and end up strangling on it a little bit. I'm told I just eat too fast and should chew more carefully to avoid strangling on my food. I think this is BS...
Any tips?
God, what is it with you people not knowing the difference between choking and strangulation?
Being such a handsome man as yourself, you must have the correct answer to this question.
Boxers or Briefs?
Look, you may not know this, but when you start wearing designer clothes, you need to switch to tight boxer-brief combinations. Nobody wears briefs anymore, and boxers ride up so high that people can see them and you look silly.
It's like you've never talked to my personal stylist or something.
after ultimate vault hunter there should be a new difficulty: Handsome vault hunter mode. Same with guns: Handsome guns! only drops from handsome badasses like yourself!
A Handsome difficulty would mean nothing's ever difficult because you're perfect.
Than we should have an Ugly difficulty, where everything one-shots you because they hate looking at that ugly face, there are no loot drops and the Handsome Jack boss fight one shots you so hard it deletes your save of that character... you know for a challenge.
Why Europe and Australia have to wait longer to play your great game?
How do I get to be like you? You know, the coolest dude in the whole universe with everything he wants
What's your opinion on bands like "Cage the Elephant" or "The Heavy?"
what haircare regimen would you recommend to make one's hair strong enough to strangle people with?
for science, you know. or whatever.
What makes you the biggest badass?
It was about all of us.
Any advice on killing a man with a spoon?
Would you say strangulation is something you do to get a job done or is it an underlying kink as well?
Of these, which is your preferred Brad Pitt film and why?
Se7en
Fight Club
Inglorious Basterds
Jack, I want to be a big damn hero just like you. Any tips?
Whats your favorite place in Borderlands?
Pew Pew or Bang Bang?
Did Moxxi ever try to take you home to meet her family? If so, I'm sorry.
Hey, Handsome Jack! First & foremost, I have to say that you are absolutely brilliant & I love you to pieces.
Question, what is your bed time routine? The public needs to know so they can follow suit & attempt to look as flawless as you.
- Remove mask
- Make out with Nisha for an hour
- Stuff gets graphic
- Shower
- Second shower
- Antibacterial rinse
- Sleep
I hear you like women in cowboy hats... how do you feel about whips? ;)
Drugs or Murder?
What happened to you to make you so insanely violent?
Have you ever used Butt Stallion for Polo?
Are there any songs in particular you like to strangle to?
What would you say to someone who prefers Jakobs over Hyperion weapons?
What is the air velocity of an unladen swallow?
Jack, love your company.
More of a personal dilemma here regarding The Pre-Sequel. All my friends plan on getting it on Xbox 360, but I'm more of a PC guy (owning both, I like the mouse and keyboard experience better). Current budget concerns will sadly only allow me to purchase one copy.
You seem like the kind of guy that would do what's best for him regardless of the people around him, but should I get the 360 version to play with friends, or the PC version to enjoy my own way myself?
Thanks.
Depends on how much you like your friends. I've never been close enough with anyone to justify using a stupid controller over the fine-tuned precision of a mouse and keyboard, but hey, if you wanna live your life by making compromises, you can totally do that.
....Handsome Jack confirmed glorious leader of /r/pcmasterrace?
What's your last name, anyway?
No, it's not "anyway."
Hahahaha.
Screw you, I can make dad jokes.
Damn it! And here I was being so careful!
(I have this headcanon where your last name is Polish, so until further notice you're going to be Polish... congratulations :P)
What is your thought on the ever growing space cowboy fad that is ruining Pandora's economic system and putting the planet in a damn near recession because everyone is starting to quit their jobs, arming themselves to the teeth, and going around looking for mythological vaults like my Aunt Judith looking for a tortilla chip in one of her fat folds. IT'S NOT THERE JUDY, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU LOOK THE CHIP HAS GONE AWOL AND WILL NEVER RETURN...
Sorry, got a little carried away there.
I heard a rumor that when you were a teenager, you were actually "Ugly Jack," but as you had a face lift to become "Handsome Jack," is that true?
Why would Moxxi cheat on someone like you? You're a catch and a half! ;)
Are you hiring?
Handsome Jack, my name is Eddy and I will do ANYTHING to be canon. What would you like? Pizza? Yours. Take over Pandora? I will work endlessly until it's yours. Kill Hitler? Way ahead of you. I even made it look like a suicide so it wouldn't be traced to you. Keep Hitler alive? Too late. Sorry. I won't do anything without your okay EVER again! What can I do to be borderlands canon!?!
I woulda made you canon if not for mentioning Hitler.
On Pandora, we had MegaRoboHitler. Your failure to know that is a shame you will have to bear for the rest of your life.
Two questions:
1) Why are you so damn handsome?
2) (Will we be able to play as you in a future DLC in the Presequel? :D )
If you're in the market for a new personal assistant, I promise I'd bring you the best pretzels ever. Or the best of whatever you want. Running a corporation is a lot like being a king, so why settle for less?
No. I may kill a lot of people, but I'm not a goddamn turd.
Your transition from a Hyperion employee to The Savior of Pandora was a bit shocking to say the least. If you could do it all over again, what would you have changed about your Rise to Power and Handsomeness?
Did you ever want to be a vault hunter, when you were young maybe?
Nah. When I was a kid, Vault Hunters were a weird thing your parents warned you about becoming. Like, "go to school, or you'll become a Vault Hunter just running around begging for money and ammo." "Do your chores, or you'll be out on the street demanding your loot fix." "Don't try to kill your grandmother while she sleeps." Just crap like that.
Pirates or Ninjas?
whats some life advice you would give a young man thats unsure what to do in life ?
Where exactly are you while guiding your vault hunting heroes on their noble quest to save the world?
You bang Nisha?
What is the best hair care product for a horse? You must know because butt stallion has beautiful luscious hair
What do you think of the most charismatic character is claptrap?
I'm really glad that sentence was as grammatically screwed up as it was, because if you were going to unironically use the words "claptrap" and "charismatic" in the same sentence I would have jumped through my monitor and stuck my fist so far up your nose I could karate chop your brain.
Hi Jack, any secrets for climbing the corporate ladder you'd be willing to share for us aspiring executives? Not that I want to take your job or anything. Please don't strangle me.
What is your favorite Hyperion weapon, if you had to choose?
After finishing the Moonbase, whats your plan to deal with the town of Ovejas, and more importantly, the immortal god-like being that protects it, Salvador?
What's your hidden talent?
Any wizard problems on Elpis?
Did you ever expect Jack to get this popular?
Will Handsome Jack show up in BL3?
I'm not gonna answer your question, I just thought it'd be funny to use this space to mention how I'm not gonna reply to hyperionmoonbase's question.
Least favorite vault hunter that isn't Roland?! Go!
What's your favorite video game?
What is you middle name?
I literally made an account just for this. Hi! As for my question, what do you like on sandwiches?
Have you ever considered fighting with the vault hunters instead of trying to kill them?
Where were you during the events of the first borderlands?
Hey Handsome Jack. So glad you're with us from the afterlife.
How's Buttstallion holding up? Any word on finding some better pretzels?
Oh and sorry about Angel, she would have made a powerful ally to the Resistance, had you not pumped her full of Eridium like that.
Many <3's! Your favorite Vault Hunter, @Shayblez
Can't wait to play through the prequel!
Do you like Dragonball Z? I wonder what your favorite character would be... probably Cell.
Hey Jack, big fan, you're gorgeous by the way
My question is, if Hyperion was out to kill the vault hunters so badly, why did Hyperion allow the vault hunters to use the, "New-U" stations?
Thanks for doing this, toodles!
Be honest... did you program the malware into vaulthunter.exe for laughs?
Why call yourself Jack? Isnt your name John?
Pretty weird that internet searches exist, huh? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_(given_name)
Hey, you! Why are Hyperion guns such rubbish? Sure they may have above average stats some of the time, but their inaccuracy when first firing out of them makes me waste my first few bullets on aiming close to the enemy until the cone tightens. Yeah, nice slogan: "What use is a gun that does not shoot where you point? Get a gun that is as accurate as you are." What a load of bull! Your sniper rifles are absolutely useless as the sway makes them pretty much impossible to aim unless I wanted to wait an extra 2 seconds for it to stop swaying. The Fibber, supposedly Hyperion's newest innovation, would've been a much better gun if it was made by any other company. Hell I'll even take a Tediore Fibber!
- Sincerely, Raigen (Fed up with inferior Hyperion trash).
Just noticed you mentioned Taylor Swift.
How frustrated were you the first time "Shake it Off" got stuck in your head?
Frustrated? Why would anyone be frustrated? It's just music.
what is your action skill
Who gave you the most enjoyment when you watched them die?
Heya Jack. Whatsup man?
On a scale of 1 - 10 how handsome are you?
Do you like my tattoo? http://i.imgur.com/n6Gj9av.jpg
Where the hell did ou even get buttstallion from, i mean, what company even sells diamond horses/ponys.
Would you rather cut off your hair or not be able to strangle people?
What would be your dream weapon to kill the vault hunters with?
Why don't you grow a full beard? Wouldn't that be manlier?
I was just wondering, you sent your CL4P-TP bot out to a frozen wasteland to clear bodies after train explosions. Does this mean you have done this before? And if so, how much of Hyperion's money have you recklessly spent on kamikaze trains?
Laser guns and Cryo guns don't seem to be popular at all on Pandora despite their use on Elpis. What happened?
Hey Handsome! Do you think you look more like your mom or dad?
- Conference Call, Interfacer or Butcher?
- Why did you decide to get rid of the red color scheme that Hyperion guns used to have?
- Did you design Saturn and if yes, how did you come up with the name "Saturn"?
- Why did Hyperion stop making assault rifles and rocket launchers?
- Have you ever considered making acid-resistant loaders in order to combat their main weakness?
- What do you think of the arena battles that Captain Cabrera runs in the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve?
How does you pick up girls jack? Do you tell them about butt stallion? or what do you do?
What is your favorite breakfast food?
Click Restore to load this comment.
Do you plan on creating a line of Butt Stallions to create dominance over the luxury horse market?
So I recently purchased a diamond horse of my own and have noticed certain... errr problems with her. Has Buttstallion been getting into your eridium stash and leaving... ummm..... weapons as droppings? I find my horse keeps getting into my stash of eridium. Or are you just going to kill me because I have a stash of eridium?
Hey Jack, First time dad here. Do you have any tips about parenting?
Hola Jack, wouldn't it be kinda cool if some dudes made a game where you are the villain? In my mind you'd be kinda like Darth Vader but 15x funnier, 200x more ruthless and without some weirdish mask that cover that handsome face. But of course the "heroes" make it all the way to your inner chambers and you shoot them in the skulls, THE END. Can't you make it happen?
Y'know, I understand not wanting to admit Jakobs has good guns, but why not just assassinate their CEO, take over the company, and make a line of Hyperion guns that are just Jakobs guns with a Hyperion paint-job? That way you could make money off of both extremes: low damage, low rate of fire and low accuracy for your Hyperion guns, and high damage, high rate of fire and high accuracy for your totally-not-Jakobs guns!
Why is it that you were able to obtain an alien key with the power to awaken a giant lava monster, yet you cannot get a good bag of pretzels?
You mentioned that you're involved with branding. So you help name Hyperion-manufactured weapons, right? The naming of your guns has always been a favorite -- so consistent and determinedly corporate.
As example, I love the name Concerence Call, especially with its tagline "Let's just ping everyone all at once." Too perfect.
Do you have any favorites?
And did you like any names that were left on the editing room floor?
Oh, and do you run focus groups? Can't imagine that's fun.
So ever since you told me to jump off that cliff and I did my friends have been calling me a bitch. Can you make them stop?
Would these pretzels suffice? http://imgur.com/qI5Mxo0
Also please don't kill me.
Marry, bang, kill:
Ellie
Athena
Lilith
See what I did there?! You thought I'd be all Moxxi and Nisha and stuff. But no! Too easy. You're not stupid, you're advanced.
Dearest Jack I was just wondering how come when I throw your Hyperion guns they just bop my foes in the face then lay on the ground useless? I don't even get a new digi-structed gun... I really don't understand.
Jack, what's your favourite ice cream flavour and why?
Also, you are my favourite villain of all time. I love you.
How exactly do the lunar mortars on your space station work?
Click Restore to load this comment.
Hail the great and most Handsome Jack! What is one of your more heroic exploits? Also, what are some things you'd like to say to your fans over at www.reddit.com/r/OneTrueJack/
Do you know any languages, except English? Maybe Russian or Chinese?
Are you and Wilhelm buddies?
Are you a professional memer?
Hello, Handsome Jack. Let me just say I'm your number one fan! I love you so much! I've got two questions for you: 1. Have you ever met or heard of a girl called Tiny Tina? 2. Will you marry me?
am i late?
Jack , Did you took over the Abandoned Crimson Lance Facilities on Pandora? And a Follow-Up question , If you did , What happened to the Crimson Lance soldier's that were there , Did you killed them or made them your slaves?
Jack, why you so handsome ??
Your thoughts on Daft Punk's "Random Access Memories" winning Album of the Year over RED?
Did you and Roland get milkshakes ever?
Can I have a job?
What programming language does hyperion use?
So how much DID Butt Stallion cost?
People say that your a f***ked up guy. What will you like to say to them? Also, have you ever been baby seal clubbing? I recommend it, it's good for the arms.
Why did you kill Blood Wing and Roland?!
What really happened to Angel's Mom?
Hi Jack I'm your fan. Would you shoot me, so I could have best kind of autograph from you?
Is Handsome Jack Archer?
What's your favorite cereal?
Will you marry me?
How are you better than me?
Is the presequel going to tell us how to be a serial killer as well?
so what is your favorite, superior, hyperion godlike armament?
So, Handsome- can I call you Handsome? Cool. Where do you stand on the hypothetical continuity of the ramifications and seemingly apparent fact that I don't know what these words mean, and how might you improve the quality of life for someone who knows not the meanings of them? Also, where did you get your mask? The Stupid Masks store?
This is the best AMA I've ever read.
Hello Handsome (or should I call you Jack?), I am currently interested in purchasing my first Hyperion weapon and I was wondering if you had any recommendations? I have a soft spot for assault rifles, SMGs and revolvers if that helps.
Is there any family members you have that we may not know about? I mean those good looks have to come from somewhere, am I right?!
Also, Is the creation of the CL4P-TP unit something you deeply regret?, or something you take pride in for the horrible squealing noise that emanates from within those rust buckets has tortured so many...
this has to be the best AMA ever ....sooo funny!!
Hi there, Mr Jack. Big fan of your products. My question is, why did Hyperion stop producing its Nidhogg line of rocket launchers? Those beauties brought unrivaled levels of carnage at mid range.
What is your favorite geological feature on Pandora? Thanks for your leadership a welcome change!
What is your relationship status with Sir. Hammerlock? I know the way that you look at him...
I am here to ask you one question, and one question only: EXPLOSIONS?!
Do you plan on getting revenge on the vault hunter scum who wronged you and your utopian dream? Also will there be a second coming of Jack like for Jesus? http://www.reddit.com/r/OneTrueJack/
I know I'm late, but I just wanted to say that I totally love you.
Seriously bro.
If you could have the head of any vault hunter from BL2 (Salvador, Mia, Zero, Axton, Gaige, or Krieg), who would it be and why?
Hey Handsome Jack. I pre-ordered The Pre-Squeal and I'm going to say that I can't wait to fight by your side. About your question on "What's BL2?" It what we say to shorten Borderlands 2, also thanks for covering the choking and strangling. My question though is, How is it being the CEO of a major company?
Dear Jack, do you ever regret sealing Angel away? I understand that it was partly for her own good to keep her powers in check, but now you can't hold your little girl anymore.
Hey, Handsome Jack.
My younger sister is turning sixteen in a few days. Do you think you'd be able to make it to Eden-5 so she can meet her hero? She loves the story of how you opened the Vault and defeated the Destroyer.
I'm sorry Jack, but Tediore has my name for best weapons.
Jack, what are your future plans for the Hyperion corporation? Do you plan to expand to other planets? Do you plan to take over any rival corporations?
Mr. Jack, How do you feel about everyone asking you questions even though your time slot ended about 6 hours ago?
I have an uncontrolable young siren daughter, any tips how to fix that? She's impossible to get babysitters for (mainly cause they all freakin' die before the end of the night and I'm like COME ON! Seriously?!) and I just want a couple hours, maybe a few days, just to myself. Wanna get back into echosimming, chilling out, you know?
Any advice?
You ever beat XCOM on impossible ironman?
When I grow up I wanna be just like you, what are your best tips to being awesome?
If you ever come back to read the questions you missed in this AMA, could you share a limerick about how you would then immediately regret that decision?
I hear there's a guy that looks exactly like you on your payroll. What's up with that?
What level of pistol does it take to one shot a fully levels Roland
Why can't you get good pretzels?
Why have you allowed the vault hunters to use your 'new-u' stations?
What was the most absurd object you've ever killed somebody with?
I have on question. Which one do you like better, ass or tits?
Bring your children to work day. What did Angel think about it?
In a few years jack you will have a great time in New Heaven with spoons
How's the railgun research coming along?
Which vault hunter did you want to kill the most?
What element are you looking forward to Handsome Jack?
Most importantly, how the fuck is Butt Stallion doing?!?
Do you have a relationship with stairs?
If yes, how's it going?
What did you do to take care of Butt Stallion?
Were you born perfect or did you grow into it?
I found a handsome guy and took his face. I can't get it to stay on. Tips?
Handsome Jack, out of all of the sentient creatures in the six galaxies. Why on Alpis would you hire a cl4p-tp unit to do anything.
Why, hello there Handsome Jack. I just got one question for you, why did you choose to name yourself "Handsome" Jack over other names like "Fancy" Jack, "Dapper" Jack, or "Clean-Cut" Jack. I personally prefer Handsome Jack (cause you were born awesome). All this is just a strange thought I had while I was bored today.
Exactly how much better are you?
Hey Jack what's your favorite sex position?
Yay Handsome Jack! First question, I love you. Second question, will you help me take over the world?
~With love from Sir Handsome Jack's stalker~
This is the best fucking AMA ever
Vault hunters have already taken down one corporation. While clearly Hyperion won't ever suffer the fate Atlas did, do you think that the leaders of, say, Dahl, will ever have to worry?
How's the violin coming along?
If I'll put a quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber would that cause a parabolic destabilization of the fission singularity?
Chicken or beef?
So what is your greatest invention
So i noticed you don't have an New u account. why not? seem like the perfect thing to have encase some pissed off Vault hunter shoots you in the face.
You hope to make out with others? I know I'm on that list somewhere, no, at the very top. Hahaha xx anxiously awaiting your return..
So what's your problem with porn?
Jack, I have one question for you. Tits? Or ass?
Alright I'll be the one to ask it. How are you better than me?
What's Mr. Blake been up to?
Do you love or hate the fact that even thoe i killed you i took your face and now wear it? i mean i guess we all kinda love you...just a little....
Hey Sexy!
You're the smartest man I know. What's your theory on why Pandora has so many goddamn washing machines?! And why do the barbarians insist on keeping their valuables in them instead of washing the filthy rags they insist on calling "clothes"?
Do you have any care advice for my skin mask?
Have you played this game called Destiny? It looks boring.
FUCK! AS SOON AS AS ASK MY QUESTION!
Jack
What is your opinion of rabbits? Also, I just kicked a nun in the junk.
Toast
If you could create a personal, unique weapon only for yourself, what would it be and how would it work?
Hey Jack, just a randomly numbered Hyperion employee here, just wondering about these new-U stations we've got here on Pandora, now I know you've told us to kill these vault hunter fellas, but every time we kill them they just pop right back out of a New-U, I know these stations make the company money, but are just killing them to make money? Or do you actually want us to kill them dead? ..... Please don't kill me for questioning your methods...
If some horrible, hypothetical thing were to happen in the distant future where those stupid vault hunters actually track you down at the vault of the warrior or whatever... I mean, you'd totally send your body double to that, right? You wouldn't actually put yourself in harm's way and let their bandit asses kill you...
Surely a man as great as yourself has many body doubles for such tasks...
I mean, New-U stations aren't canon. But body doubles are. coughs
If you somehow take over Hyperion, what are your plans for expansion?
Hey Jack, on average, how many interns do you go through? And how much college credit does a summer internship at Hyperion give?
So are we going to see an even more badass Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap sometime soon?
What do you do on your downtime besides eating pretzels and strangling chumps?
WHat is your favorite form of murder?
how does it feel to be doing the exact same shit for the third time without even a hint of innovation or an original idea to be found?
Favorite meme?
How do you feel about those detractors who claim that Hyperion's exquisite emphasis of style, practicality, and synergy detract from the usability of their weapons as killing devices?
I've even heard of some unwashed swine going so far as to claim that Torgue weaponry was far superior!
I don't have a question. I just wanted to say that you're awesome. That is all.
Handsome Jack, you've obviously got the right ideas about Pandora. How can we help?
your all time favorite meme, go
What do you with your left eye? Certainly not see...
Why do you have to be such a sexy bugger?
Dear Handsome Jack, last question was a bit of a step in the wrong direction, didn't know you already answered it. So I came up with a better question for you to hopefully grace me with your time when you aren't busy with sex and being Pandora and Elpis' greatest hero; What's the wifi like on Elpis?
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans, this'll be the last comment I ever send your ass It's been many posts and still no word - I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two links; I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect So this is my last post I'm sending you, I hope you read it:
http://skullcr.deviantart.com/art/Hyperion-Cupajoe-422918619 https://www.dropbox.com/s/1f50esk0qrb7p73/2014-10-05%2012.44.11.jpg?dl=0 http://skullcr.deviantart.com/art/The-Vault-329359752?q=gallery%3ASkullCR%2F19505295&qo=16
How's the weather up on Elpis today?
Is Hyperion ever going to match the quality of a good ol' Jakobs rifle? Because, while I've had a few good Hyperion machine guns, nothing has ever been as satisfying as watching bandits' heads explode with my Jakobs rifle.
Time to finish this hard-hitting reporter style: Jack. What can you tell us you've learned from the Warrior debacle? What did you take away from that dark chapter that you can use as you pick up the pieces of your former life?
Will we see young Angel in the pre-sequel?
How about her mother?
so handsome jack, what's it like bein a pencil pusher at hyperion?
What's the screening process for your body doubles?
Is your first name Handsome or Jack?
Is Lynchwood a euphemism for something else?
How long did it take you to get to where you're at now in the Hyperion ranks, and how many people had to die to get you there?
So what's the best thing about being so quick-witted and very much feared by everyone?
Is it weird that I'm reading all of your responses in your voice?
What's the craziest place you've ever had sex? (I mean come on, Moxxi seems like a freak to me!)
So Jack, I know that you're busy being good at sex and saving Elpis and Pandora, so just wondering if you've kept up your violin practice, or if you've been too pre-occupied.
What's your thought about Scooter?
You wake up and realize Dahl Corporation has strapped you to a CL4P-TP unit in your sleep. What do you do?
What do I do if I suddenly wake up and realize that you've ruined me for all other men?
How much death is TOO MUCH death? And can you kill so much that reality attempts to equal out and generate more life (which can subsequently be removed/vaporized)?
I'm in the market for ponies made of exotic materials, and I've heard you're something of an expert. I'm considering diamond, but it seems like it'll be expensive to get the heavy drilling tools necessary to brush her mane. Should I settle for one made of cubic boron nitride?
Have you ever ran the train on someone with your clone?
How are your pretzels?
What kind of extravagant rewards can I expect for being brand loyal and buying all of the damned Borderlands game? Sweet ass starting weapons made of gold, a unique head and skin combo that let's everyone know I'm a BAMF, or a hearty handshake and a pat on the back?
Where are you right now?
If you decided to be a chef instead of the president of Hyperion would you be Hungry Jack instead? https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bzh0xEJCUAAk3XF.jpg
I bet you'd make bitchin' pancakes.
Why the hell hasn't reddit put your glorious AMA on their fancy AMA app yet?
Why haven't you used your soothing voice to record a Dota2 Announcer?
Could you tell any of us a good story, I hear your stories always have a good moral.
What's your opinion of Maliwan? Personally, the style they use on their guns really does it for me. Shit's kick ass.
I have to say Hyperion makes the best guns out there, but what the trick to making them so darn accurate at putting loads of bullets into your least favored enemy?
What's your spirit animal?
Can you tell us more about yourself? Where are you from? How'd you become involved with Hyperion?
You ever seen a Constructor bot dance, minion?
Vladoff weapons in the pre-sequel?
Have you seen that show Shark Tank?
If so, what do you think of it? Were you disappointed that they didn't have actual sharks on the show? How would you improve the program?
So Nisha's seen you with your mask off? I'm impressed! Lucky gal :)
Who is the more "handsome" Jack?
You or that time-travelling immortal "Handsome" Jack Harkness (who you totally didn't steal your name from).
I think Lemon Demon might owe you royalties. They're stealing the whole... mask of your own face thing. Just thought you might like to know.
What is your favorite song and why? Can I be your bro?
Who/what inspired you to become Handsome Jack?
How's Grandma?
Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Butt Stallions or 1 Butt Stallion duck?
Mr. Handsome , I wanted to let you know that you are my all time favorite villain. You and the Joker, everything else pales in comparison. I rooted for you in Borderlands 2, but sadly, all good things must come to an end.
Aside from finding the Warrior, what is your favorite accomplishment?
When you become an interplanetary superhero -- and we all know that this is happening -- I'm sure you'll be creating tons of signs and cutouts depicting your likeness.
Your loyal employees will make so many that there isn't even room for all of them, so some will wind up in closets, waiting for their spectacular unveiling.
This is happening. You know it. I know it.
My question: Any chance you'd sign some of these glorious art pieces and set them aside for your loyal fans?
If you suspect someone is working for Dahl Corporation, is it within your rights as a decent and (mostly) law-abiding citizen to shoot them in the freaking face for treason? Please say yes.
Handsome Jack, one question, why are you so damn handsome?
What's the best way to get blood stains out of a soul?
Wait, also, where'd you get the big H-looking satellite?
So Jack any info on what your body double maybe equipped with in the presequel?
FYI if Nisha doesn't treat you like the goddamned king that you are, you know where to find me ;)
What's the deal with those little dog/pig things with the weird mouth?
What's your opinion on Nisha, Mr. Jack?
Do you ever worry that you're just misunderstood?
Jack, Siren booty, am I right?
Have you ever considered an anger management course? I think it could do you a world of good.
Yo Jack thanks for doing this man, how does it feel to be on such an unstopable, meteoric rise to power?
When you become King of the Universe, can you make me your Queen? Taylor Swift will write ballads of our triumphs. 💙 💜
What are you gonna dress up as for Halloween?
Hey Handsome Jack, how is Moxxi in bed?
Jack, Why do hyperion guns do like no damage? Also I talked to your boss he says youre a hideous little code monkey
Hey Jack...are Vladoff weapons still in the game? They were talking about laser guns and they mentioned every brand but vladoff
Jackie,
Say I knew a guy that might be interested in commissioning some radar guided stealth robot panthers with face lasers... And we'll just say this guy would be looking forward to testing said robot panthers in some sort of competitive death arena in a Zero-G environment. Do you think perhaps these sort of things could be done in a timely manner? You think maybe you could get something going? I hear he might even want to commission an all Obsidian coated one.
TL;DR I need you to create a few stealth panthers with face lasers.
Thank you for doing this Handsome Jack!
How did you plan on using The Warrior's power when you opened the vault?
what are your views on the use of anthrax ?
Why should I purchase Hyperion over any other brand?
Will we ever see a game that have you as main character?
I've always wondered, do moon bases come standard with a giant death laser or is that an option?
What is your honest opinion on the vault hunters? Do you ever feel romantically inclined towards them?
Hey Handsome Jack, got any tips for future vault hunters?
Do you have any kinks or fetishes that don't involve strangulation?
Do you ever feel yourself slowly beginning to fall in love with someone only to realize you've been staring into a mirror the whole time?
Hey, what Will your duppelgangers action skill be like?
What's your favorite meme?
Hello sir, I must inquire as to your favorite method of eliminating your enemies?
Any child care tips? Playpen recommendations?
Ever mind going out to drink some wine, kill vault hunters and torture some bandits with me? Pretty much low to do it without having someone to laugh about it. Oh by the way, i wonder everytime what your surname is. Seems like half pandora doesn´t use any surnames.
Man, I loved when you gouged that guy's eyes out with a spoon and watched his kids cry. Just... classic!
If you had to level any town/group of people on Pandora, who would it be and why?
i love claptrap what about you?
Pretzels. What's your brand?
Who do I complain to about faulty Hyperion Loader units?
I heard there was this siren that left Athenas, do you know anything about it?
Hey Handsome Jack! I named a drink after you :). Its a mixed drink with one shot of Honey jack and the rest being A&W cream soda. It might have a name already but it my mind it will always be called Handsome Jack. It's pretty good you should try it!
Would you draw me like one of your french girls, Jack?
Who's your favorite mutant from the X-Men universe?
What type of Hyperion gun is your style? My favorite's a sniper, followed by an SMG. Hyperion products have gotten me out of more sticky situations than any other company. Good on you guys!
What is Butt Stalion doing right now?
Do you think you will ever have an all diamond horse named butt-stallion because of a siren, a psycho, a high school dropout with a robot, an alien assassin thing, a war veteran, and a midget?
1) how do you like your vault hunters? 2) do you take butt stallion to the Kentucky derby for the greatest horse race? 3) have you tried a violent take over of another company? 4) favorite Pandora song? 5) weirdest date you were on?
Who would win in a Siren-off... Lilith, or Maya?
When's your birthday, and how old are you?
Can I ride Butt Stallion?
Have you ever played Bunkers and Badasses?
How can I make Deathtrap even more badass?
What's the best thing about working for Hyperion?
Whats your favorite food to snack on after slaughtering a bunch of bandits? (and no it can't be pretzels. They always suck anyway.)
Hey Handsome Jack! What do you find to be the most efficient gun to kill bandits with?
So Jack... If you weren't working for Hyperion, what other job might you have done?
Handsomest Jack:
What is the best way to be more like you?
Can i buy buttstallion for a vault key
So, you're single huh? Are you accepting dating applications? :)
Weapon of choice?
What's your high score for the amount of pieces you can cut a man in to? Or do you leave such messy work for your underlings?
What is your element of choice? Fire, electricity, slag, laser, ice, or explosion?
Can I have a copy of the Pre-Sequel?
I hear a lot of people ship you with Moxxi. Who do you ship yourself with?
Are you, are you banging Taylor Swift or something? The repeated references make me suspicious you're going to be the subject of a teenpop song in months to come
Who would you say is your best friend Jack?
Who is Angel's mother?!
How'd you get involved with Hyperion?
So what's you favorite weapon you've found across Pandora and Elpis? Not counting moonshots.
Do you play call of duty Mr. Jack?
What's your deal with sirens, anyway?
Are you pro-life or pro-choice?
Mr. Jack, Greetings from the planet earth; would you happen to be hiring? My qualifications involve not being a mouth breather, being able to tell which end is the operational end of a gun, and knowledge Microsoft Office.
Also how goes the campaign against the inhabitants of Pandora's moon?
Also is there a catalog I can get? I find myself in need of some new weaponry to handle a slight... Infestation
Regards /u/Cial <Location Unknown> Earth
P.S. sorry for the multiple transmissions I get a terrible connection to the echonet
Why would you let Angel have that hair cut? Follow up: what's your policy on dating?
What are your tips to being a good father that has obviously won the galactic father championships?
Hello Mr. Jack, My 4th summer home in Opportunity has been in development for the past 4 years, What gives?
Handsome Jack, (may I call you HJ?) What is your favorite thing to kill? Bullymongs, skags, stalkers, vault hunters?
So, how's the family?
Boxers or briefs?
any reason you're so against the use of foul language?
I have one question and one question only, EXPLOSIONS?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!?!
Dear handsome Jack, I just wanted to say your are my true hero of all times! You rock so hard!
I have your Butt Stallion.
Ransom is set at 1 Vault Key.
I'LL BE WAITING.
I have preordered the Presequel and the season pass, but how can I give you MORE money?
Handsome jack sir i find you awesome especially about the guy in new haven who charged you with a spoon but my question is if you wanted a soldier to serve your badassery
Why are you not the main character in the pre sequel?
Have you seen a little girl named Tina lately? Are you friends with her parents?
Hey, I heard you died! And like a total bitch too! Oh my god it was hilarious! Really quite satisfying.
Anyways, my question is why do Hyperion-brand pistols suck so bad?
No stopping power, the clip empties before I can get bead on a bandit's face, and reloading is like dismantling a camera that keeps its memory drive behind the batteries. No wonder you name your guns Objectification of Fecal Matter or whatever, 'cause they're a piece of shit!
P.S. Your daughter's hot.
at school its hard being the most cool and handsome person, how hard is it to be the coolest and best looking on the planet
Crap, I'm late to the party!
http://i.imgur.com/mPRrQHW.jpg
Since you tend to be surrounded by ninjas from time to time.
What / who do you think Zer0 is?
Hey, Jack. When did you last visit Earth? Is it hard to get here from Pandora?
Dear Jack, Would you consider a charitable donation to the Pandora School for Orphans Whose Parents Had Their Eyes Scooped Out by Awesome, Handsome Heroes?
That Twitter wallpaper is, um, not great. What the hell, erm, heck (language)!?!
Did you let CL4P-TP design it?
Are you stuck in 2000?
Did Corporate assign you some executive's 2 year old kid to make it? (If so, please find some way to strangle them. Slowly. Obvious lack of market and brand awareness...)
Are the moon accents making you stupid?
Are you going through meme withdrawal since memes are apparently banned from the moon base?
Did you hack and "improve" Hyperion's account, 4Chan style?
Dude what the fuck did you do to that Krieg guy? Dude lights himself on fire and bashes himself in the face with a buzzaxe and *laughs about it while murdering every Hyperion employee he sees.
I know you're Handsome Jack and super cool and unstoppable and all, but you might want to keep an eye out for a screaming 7-foot wall of flames running at you. Jesus, man. You fucked him up bad.
Wait.
Or did you?
why didn't you clone a son (or daughter) of the Warrior?
Is your "Bitch" line of SMGs inspired by your past relationships/lovers/dead-lovers or is it inspired by something else?
Jack what did Krieg do before he went all, you know, psycho? Wtf did you do to him to cause this mental rift? Will we find out in the pre-sequel?
Does it turn you on when people call you sir?
Do you ever fear that in the future their will be a group of vault hunters that include a robotic freak that speaks in haikus, a short, overcompensating salvadorian gunslinger, a commando who just got dumped by his wife, a teenage hipster with a robot death machine follower, a psycho that likes slashing things, and a siren that just freaked out her home planet, that eventually hunt you down, kill your daughter, girlfriend, Wilhelm, future robots you intend to build such as maybe a bunker that is actually a death machine, or a huge hyperion bot named Saturn, and winds up also killing a lava based monster that you would release from a theoretical vault. Has this ever crossed your mind?
I actually have two Questions:
Who is the best character in Borderlands? And why is it Krieg?
What is the difference between choking and strangulation?
If you could choose how you'd die, what firey blaze of glory would you go out with?
What is you favorite method of strangulation? bare hands? piano wire? cramming your fist down someones throat?
I killed a few thousand people with a recent regenerative matter cannon that cause peoples inside to multiply until they explode, that I cough bought from a secret tediore lab beneath a slum on promeathea and I was wondering do you know have any advice for a budding weapon salesmen as myself?
What are some things that really piss you off?
Glorious leader of everything that is handsome.
How is it to have your own videogame where the four badguys keep loosing?
Can I have a free Hyperion gun?
Why are you less shit than Blake?
Did Butt Stallion die? :'(
is it tiring having to deal with so many adoring fans on a daily basis?
Do you and Mr. Torgue have a drink together? Angel is hot..can we talk to her?!?!?!
How do you feel about the name John?
Would you Axton?
Be honest... do you feel sorry for all of the men out there less handsome and talented than you? (And by that, I mean everybody.)
Hey Jack, would you ever consider uh... Making a functional sniper rifle, and also better than Dahl's... Because both are terrible...
Ya know, I recently picked up a new Hyperion branded SMG, and I must say that the quality is bad.
Marcus convinced me that Hyperion was where I should go for accuracy in the past, but now... I'm not so sure.
What made you install those damn stabilizers, and can you do something about the fact that in order to stabilize, they first make the gun shoot like a blind midget shotgunner?
Jack do you have body doubles on the moon with you
Good Afternoon Your Handsomeness, I wanted to congratulate you on your incredible luck! I am with the Lottery Commission of Nigeria and you are the lucky winner of the equivalent of $100,000,000! Normally taxes would need to be paid in the sum of 1% of the total winnings but in light of all your recent charitable activities, we are willing to waive this fee for the mere cost of 1 Borderlands Pre Sequel steam code. If you would be so kind as to pm this information to us we will be sure to wire your winnings into the account of your choosing.
Thank you for your time Mr. Jack and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Jack, was it truly necessary to kill your grandma? What could she have possibly done to you to make you do such a thing? Did she feed you cookies you thought were chocolate chip but were secretly raisin?
So... How do you REALLY feel about Nisha?
Serious question time.
As a woman in a scientific field that is traditionally male dominated I'm interested in what the gender ratio at Hyperion is like. Are there opportunities for women, is there an encouragement for girls to take up programming, what's your stance on this issue?
Jack, was it truly necessary to kill your grandma? What could she have possibly done to you to make you do such a thing? Did she feed you cookies you thought were chocolate chip but were secretly raisin?
Jack, if you were to become CEO of Hyperion somehow, what would you do differently than the current management?
Who's your favorite Vault Hunter?
I'm gonna assume this is Anthony, so I need to ask this. Why didn't you make the oh so obvious Warriors reference for the final boss?
For Jack: of all the vault hunters you've killed, which has been the most gratifying? Do you ever get sad about the fact that you're the only one who can do it so well?
What's your favorite position? In bed. With a partner.
i touch myself watching your pictures is that normal??
despite being classist, egotistical, murderous, overbearing, douchey, condescending, vicious, sarcastic, and napoleonic...
...how the hell are you still so charming?
Jack what is your favorite method of torture.
Your guns are bad and you should feel bad. Actually, no, I take that back. You should fix your guns instead. How about a SMG with more than three rounds in the clip, eh Jack?!
What do you think of Lilith?
Hey, Jack! Big fan here. Love the whole world domination thing. My question is, is it ever difficult being that handsome? And who is your favorite vault hunter?
how can you be sure that the suits arent plotting against you and keeping you distracted on this crap all day?
"Handsome" Jack? Gimme a break. Reality check: you are fugy, dude.
What will be your Body Doubles Action Skill in The Pre-Sequel, any details on trees or class orientation?
How did you apply for the job of being such an evil person? Or were you just born into it.
Do you think your parents did a good job in raising you?
So tell me jack. How would you handle the Ebola crisis?
did you and angel ever do like, normal happy family stuff? do you even like angel? why did you decide to have a kid?
Turn on's / Turn off's?
Hey, you're an asshole, I'm an asshole. Let's get married and kill my ex in the most brutally painful way possible. This isn't a question, obviously. More like a fantastic suggestion / opportunity. For you. Murder and sex are two of the best things. Mostly the murder though. So what do you say? (There's a question in case you were going to be a bitch about it).
Hey, i heard you have a body double, is this just some guy who looks a bit like you and wears the same clothes? or is a he more like a clone or some shit? I get the feeling he's a bit of a tryhard...
Hey Jack, what is your perfect Sunday?
how're your grandmas doing?
What exactly is the difference between a hyperion laser rifle and a sniper rifle? Other than the obvious bullet/laser difference
Jack, was it truly necessary to kill your grandma? What could she have possibly done to you to make you do such a thing? Did she feed you cookies you thought were chocolate chip but were secretly raisin?
I know you're handsome, I know you're an amazing narcissistic mad man. My question is about, the machine that you can feed crap guns to. If you toss 3 purple weapons in, what are the odds of getting an orange weapon in return?
What do you prefer for removing eyeballs? A gun or a spoon?
how do you get your hair to look so magnificent you handsome bastard;)?
If Helen of Troys face could launch a thousand ships, how many BNK3Rs would launch for your face?
Also, do you prefer to strangle with one hand or two?
Jack, will we be seeing dual elemental type weapons on Elpis at all? That was always something I never quite understood, with so many guns that fire multiple bullets in one shot (I'm looking at you Unkempt Harold; wash your ass you psychopath), why couldn't one or two of those bullets be slag or lightning or something? I feel like we all focused so hard on having a slag weapon in our arsenal, that it was almost kind of limiting in the later game.
Jack, was it truly necessary to kill your grandma? What could she have possibly done to you to make you do such a thing? Did she feed you cookies you thought were chocolate chip but were secretly raisin?
Who's Angel's baby mama?
You seem like the kind of person who probably too focused on career ambition to have a lot of free time to kill, but do you by any chance play video games? If so, what have you been playing recently?
I swear this is (allegedly) a true story. I went to a high school in LA and you (allegedly) crashed our prom after party (Universal Hilton). You (allegedly) ended up taking the virginity of a girl named Roseanne. You (allegedly) didn't call her afterwards. She (allegedly) cried a lot. Do you remember any of this and can confirm or have you (allegedly) been so knee deep in Pandora pooty for so long that this qualifies as a mere blip?
What is your favorite eating utensil?
What's wrong with Jakobs munitions?
Dear Jack, I've been tinkering with a Projectile Convergence Hyperion SMG to add a larger magazine, but every time I've fired it, it keeps backfiring. Do you have any tips on how I should go about this? (because I'd prefer not to replace my left ear a sixth time)
Best. AMA. Ever.
Would you rather have your enemies burnt to a crisp, or in little pieces after an insane explosion?
Also, pancakes or waffles?
Can I come to your birthday party? I'll bring green bean casserole.
And nothing else. cough
HANDSOME JACK, DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN COMPETE WITH MR. TORGUE'S EXPLOSIVE AMA OF BADASSERY?
BOOOM EXPLOSIONS
You're a man of the world. You've had intercourse (which you obviously are very good at) with the Space-Vixens of Eden-6.
What's that like? I was hoping to get posted there once we take care of a certain piece of rogue Hyperion machinery that made a bit of a mess near Tartarus Station. Hey, I can at least dream, right?
Hey Jack, huge fan of your murders, I was thinking of planning a trip to Opportunity, what are some of the key attractions I "must see?"
Oh and one more thing, how can I kill this claptrap if there's no friendly fire?
Can you build be a BNK3R? I have these things called "bandits" over here that need some love & attention, Hyperion style.
If someone ever managed to kill you, for great vengeance let's say, would you leave any sort of fail-safe to kill or severely cripple the people who killed you? For example some sort of guy who you force to enter a number sequence (4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42), and if you die, his oxygen gets cut off, and when the sequence doesn't get entered every LOADER goes into bandit mode or elpis crashes into pandora or something.
What do you think about my username? Do you agree that Helios is a great place to for heroes to hang out?
Can I use your cloned body as my play thing near or around Tuesday? What if I promised to use it to kill Roland? And what if I promised that promise wouldn't come true?
What's your favorite thing to listen to after a nice day of pandemonium?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would that be and why?
Jack, what are your thoughts on bloodwing and his stinky drunk owner Mordocai ?
Dear Handsome Jack, I found a very weird gun made by your company. http://imgur.com/o0z7CyU Explain to me, how the hell did you manage to make an E-tech gun without it being elemental?
What the fuck is an Orbatron?
If you had instead given Butt Stallion a name in honor of yourself, what would it be? Or did you already do that?
So how did Nisha killed off the ol' Booze Bitch that was her mother?
Who did you enjoy killing the most?
Are you still reading new questions on this thread for no apparent reason?
Why isn't it on on demand yet for x360?
Are you good violin player? Are we ever gonna see you/ hear you playing violin again?
Why did you shutdown Claptraps a production line?
HEY JACK! Wanna hear the new dub-step song i wrote?WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB! DROP!.... wubwubwub!
Why would you allow the vault hunters to respawn on your new u systems? Like at first i could see keepin em around for the extra cash, but once they started gettin close? coulda ended it with one click.
Will you be a playable charachter in the new pre-sequel? if so, who will be?
edit: also, why did you imprisoned Angel? couldn't you kidnap another siren?
Did you watch Ghost Dad with Mister Torgue? And did either of you cry?
How is Butt Stallion doing?
What are the chances I'd be lucky enough to spend some time with you? Wait, I mean, what are the chances YOU'RE lucky enough to spend some time with me? ;) xx
How do you get your hair to 'swoosh' like that?
Eh. I guess I have heard someone mention on FB that it's Anton Bu***. I should not waste my time and hope for reply back. Seriously.
Hey jerk, what's up with regional pricing over here in New Zealand? I need my fix but I'm not keen on paying your inflated prices.
Hey remember when I murdered your girlfriend after robbing her bank?
Hey handsome jack who do you think is cooler bloodwing or butt stallion?
I think bloodwing because he can turn any element he wants too and but stallion is just made of diamonds
Would you rather lick Ellie's butthole or lose that handsome face?
Do you ever kick it with mr. Torque? Dude is hilarious
When are we going to get a REAL Borderlands sequel with a REAL hero? When are we getting Borderlands 3?
What do you think of Tiny Tina? and have you considered to get another diamond-encrusted poney as a friend for Butt Stallion?
Why does your company's machine keep respawning the vault hunters?
What did you do with Bloodwings' body after you um.."surprised' Mordecai and the vault hunter at the Wildlife Reserve?
i purpose this question. if everything any vault hunter has ever killed including the vault hunters themselves are stored in the new u station. Wouldn't that mean everyone is immortal ? thus making the entire events that have happened on Pandora thus far null and void. So i purpose this question are you guys everyone at Hyperion etc essentially gods who reenact the same events over and over simply because you are bored. or is it and endless waltz where technology has surpassed humans to such a degree that they are cursed to live over and over never really dying. or is it your clones that the new u station spawns to essentially the clones are still fighting a war long past because that's all they remember up to the original persons death so essentially they die in the same fashion over and over?
If you had a doppelganger, what would his special ability - an action skill, if you would - be?
Love your work!
No offense, but I'd rather see another Torgue AMA. His was epic
Have you ever wished you were, or referred to yourself as, a "Wizard"?
Alright will borderlands bring more gun designs to the fold instead of just different weapon damage/damage type?
Talkin about gun DESIGN how they look I mean. Borderlands 2 really didn't bring much of a change to the gun appearances...Not saying I ShOULD be picky about how they look given there was a pretty good RNG system about how the perform but I guess I just got a bit melancholy looking at the same gun AGAIN but with better stats.
I understand the moon will be littered with Hyperion tech but I can't help but want more in the design department for guns and to put it bluntly the previews of 3 leaves me thinking not much change was done to it.
IE: 38BAZILLION guns... 12 varying gun designs.
Nipple Salads!!! What is your opinion on the Conductor of the Poop Train? Also is it possible that you could be a DLC character in the Pre-Sequel? Btw Moxxi says your little ting ting looks like 2 cannible midgets in a fat guys ribcage. What do you think of that? Nipple Salads!!!! Moxxi is a siren o.o
waz up handsome jack, now if you had a chance between blowing up the moon along with everyone you know and love but also including every claptrap unit, with the frekkin huge laser on your moon base or being ugly what would you choose?
Oh man, this is one of them moments. CATCH A RIIIIDE!!!!!
I hope you die.
Now that ain't nice Mr. Jack. Yous just mad cause my inventions are givin ya a run for your money!
...are you making money? Them cars pop up for free for me.
Yeah, well, uh... Shoot...
You might want to check the software vulnerabilities of your Catch-a-Ride stations. I'm pretty sure some people are hacking them to accept forged licenses.
I hope you didn't hack a Catch-a-Ride. I've heard he once (more than once) tied someone to a vending machine and set him on fire for making fun of his sister. My bet he just gets jealous of anyone who gets close to her. But if vendor-bound incineration is what he does out of jealousy, I'd hate to see him rage.
Seriously my favorite post of all time.